Saturday, July 21, 2012

On Truthfulness

Hi everyone,

I've been thinking about this post for days. I've been writing it and rewriting, thinking about how I wanted it sound and the things I wanted to say. Nothing sounded perfect, so here goes nothing.

I've been in a weird place over the past month. No doubt about it, being a parent of two young girls is difficult and beautiful, all at the same time. The day to day stuff can be hard, sure it is, but it has been made harder by the fact that I'm an artist who feels the NEED to create. I haven't been working in the studio as much as I'd like. In fact, it's pathetic to me how little I am actually in the studio. It's frustrating, and irritating , and makes my soul a bit unhappy. I stop blogging, and I find that I struggle to keep up with social media. I feel like I have no new content, and it all kind of makes me grind my teeth. Then, once i feel the machine slow down, I know it's so hard to get it going again, and I get even more stressed.

So this is why I haven't blogged in over a month. Really? A month? That's just nuts.

But on the other side of things, I love my girls so very much. Yesterday and today, my baby girl has been sick. She's running a pretty good fever (101 and 102), and she's a limp, hot baby in my arms. I've done nothing but hold her and rock her, and maybe some dishes here and there, and that's all I've wanted to do. I've let her drool on my chest, and turn me into a sweaty mess with all of her body heat, and that is all fine by me. It's times like these, I don't care that I'm not creating. I know there will be a time when I can get back to it. I know my girls won't be small forever. They are already growing so fast. So fast it hurts.

So as you can see, I'm conflicted, and feeling a bit torn between my two loves, family and art. I am trusting that it will all work out, that this is a tricky time.

It's hard for me to write all this. I don't want to sound ungrateful or whiney, because I do see how unbelievably fortunate I am. I just want to be honest and truthful about some of the issues an artist/parent goes through. If you have anything you'd like to share on this topic, please feel free. I'd love to hear your stories.

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