Saturday, February 7, 2009

Well, I have Bad News

For anyone who has been following our battle with cancer, my mom finally lost. She died on Feb. 3, 2009 at 4:00 pm. It was peaceful, but it was so sad. I have to keep reminding myself that she is no longer in pain, and her body isn't sick anymore. Mom lived 10 months and 1 day after the diagnosis of the cancer. Her oncologist originally gave her 1 year to live if she received treatment. Her doctor predicted pretty well, I'd say. I can't believe she is gone. I can't believe that I will never get to hear her voice again. It seems so selfish, all this grief, but I can't really let go of it. I should be happy that she suffers no more, but I can't really get there. Maybe when a little time passes, and my feelings aren't so raw, I can move in that direction. The only good thing (that I can see right now), is that we don't die alone. My mother was talking to people and told us several times that people were waiting for her. She spoke to her mother, who died last June, and she said that her mother was there in the room, waiting. I feel absolutely certain that Mom wasn't speaking nonsense; I think she was telling the truth. So, I like to think that one day, when I am dying, that my mother will come get me. And even if she doesn't, I know there will be others there, waiting for me. That thought helps me and gives me comfort. I hope you feel the same way.

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